What is the Indian Army Wife Life like? – this is a question I get asked a lot. Especially after my book on the Indian Army Wife life – ‘Soldier & Spice: An Army Wife’s Life’ was released.
Maybe it is because of the book, or it’s the incredibly wise seasoned Indian Army Wife impression I give to people – um, okay, it is definitely the book – but people tend to ask a lot of questions about this life that I’ve chosen because of the man I love and married. And I tell them the truth – it ain’t easy, bro.
The Indian Army Wife Life.
Yes, yes, we Indian Army Wives are all about love, courage, inner strength and elegant sarees, but we also have a list of things we hate. Okay, hate is a strong word, and I am trying not to use it at all because my daughter is quickly picking up on words I use (long story, another post) – so let’s say there are things we “dislike”.
Things an Indian Army Wife Dislikes.
Of course separation & loneliness, field posting, forced ladies meets, bossy and bitchy senior officer wives is on 99% of Indian Army Wives’ hate list – and sista’, if you are shaking your head at this, chances are you ARE that bossy or bitchy wife so just stop whatever nasty things you do or say and have a heart, we are not our husband’s ranks – we are combat sisters who need to stick together, not secretly plan to kill one another, okay? Okay.
Indian Army Wife Life: Read On!
I was a new, curious and starry eyed New Indian Army Wife about almost 6 years back, and though some might still consider me a misfit, I give myself full credit for trying. And I’ve learned! Like, a lot. For example, I haven’t said f*#k in front of a senior lady for almost a year now – considering how that is my go-to word in my life as a full time advertising professional. Not a big deal, but it’s a start.
But my point is, I know what it is like to be a new Indian Army Wife, how overwhelming it could feel at times. (You can read my awesome post 5 Truths About being an Army Wife for more). So, here is my list for all you adorable, young and fabulous New Indian Army Wives! You’re welcome.
4 Things New Indian Army Wives Hate, In No Particular Order:
1. Unannounced Postings.
A friend of mine called me today, almost sobbing with anger. Yes, anger – not sadness. She was mad. Her husband was posted to some place 7 months back, (see, number 7 again!) and all of a sudden he got another posting and now all the packing and moving and everything is just making her go crazy. Yes, we are Army Wives, and yes, we do know what we signed up for when we decided to marry our soldiers and OMG YES, we know we are supposed to deal with the moves and the separation like a boss – but honey, unexpected postings are just bitches. We aren’t mentally prepared for those, and this is why the hate. Generally, one does have an idea of when a posting is due. It varies in every Arm, and though no one can tell where exactly one will go to and on what exact date, we do have a general idea. And when this pattern breaks suddenly, the new and new-ish Army wives instantly hate it. The seasoned ones hate it too, but they know better than to show their displeasure to the new ones because hey – decorum, or etiquette or something!
2. The Husbands-At-The-Bar AND Wives-With-The-Other-Ladies Kind of Parties.
Seriously. What is the deal with this ritual in fauji parties? I also wrote about it in my book, I am so pissed at this. You dress up and go together to an Army party and then you leave together. In the middle, you are only hanging out with the other ladies, and the husband is talking shop with the officers at that bar or wherever all the other officers are. Husbands and wives just don’t mingle in Fauji Parties and it is so boring. You just get to exchange glances and secretly roll your eyes together at something someone says, but you can’t sit with each other and laugh and dance like the civil parties. Sucks for a newly wed, because the old-ly wed learn to work through this (inside jokes, secret sign language, text chats etc).
The Amazing Indian Army Wife Life.
3. Possessive Buddy.
Almost every newly wed Indian Army Wife feels that the husband’s buddy knows him better than she does, and this calls for a full on war. In the wife’s head, of course. The buddy knows the officer’s uniforms by date-stiched, he knows what’s kept in all those intimidating looking black trunks lining the living room wall, and most importantly, he understands what the husband means when he says foreign sounding things like CI Ops, Papa Battery, AGIF, DSOP and others. I know how confusing and hence scary this is in the beginning, I’ve been there. But, dear new army wife, it gets better. You learn to co-exist.
4. Can’t Buy Pretty Furniture-y Things!
There is just so much potential for cute furniture in a fauji quarter, and a new Indian Army Wife sees the white walls and ugly peg-tables and thinks why yes, I’ll turn this around and make it exactly like the home of my dreams. Very nice, very good thought. Only, you can’t. You will soon realize that you can’t keep buying furniture, no matter how cute or appropriate or on-sale, because with the constant moving and the wear-and-tear happens during the across the country moves, it is not rational to buy too much happy-home stuff. It’s heart breaking, I know. But you have to restrict yourself, new wife. Sadly, I have no solution for this one, I’ve bought shit loads of stuff anyway and half of it is broken or damaged already and I still keep eyeing the Home & Kitchen section of websites, knowing that when we finally settle down in a house of our own, I will be too old to care. Sigh. So I try to do what’s possible – stick glitter on peg table and paint the trunks yellow and red instead of black. Rustic is in, right?
Indian Army Wife Blog.
Besides, when your man dresses up in combats, and you’ll forget everything else and I’m sure you wouldn’t care what piece of fauji furniture you’re christening then. *wink wink* AMIRITE? So hang in there girlfriend, because it’s a good life.
Like I mentioned in the beginning, a lot of girls ask me about the Indian Army Wife life, and I also get a lot of deep-ish questions like ‘should I marry a soldier?’. It is strange and fun at the same time. They think that I have all the answers! Apparently I’m an expert at the Indian Army Wife life because I wrote a book, a super cool one at that, hehe.
The truth is, I’m no expert. I mean, read my book to know of my expertise level – I am still learning, I still struggle to cope up with the demands of the Indian Army Wife life – be it the ladies’ Meets or the separations. but I’ll tell you this – if you have a sense of humour in you, you’ll have fun anywhere! And the Army is a wonderful place if you decide to not let the little things bog you down.
And I trust you to tell me all about these ‘little things’ okay? I’ve got to complete this hate-list, after all! hee hee. Send me your list of things you hate as an Indian Army Wife, and I’ll add it in the next post to this series, promise.
Author of 2 books. TEDx Speaker. Travel Writer. Blogger. Addicted to Travel & Books. Digital Media Strategist. Social Media Girl. Army Wife. Mom. Curious. Crazy.
Aditi! That’s quite a rant and love the long blue box which says a lot! And the F*** word it’s part of my dictionary now and once, I burnt my finger and in front of the bhabies and aunties, I let it off.
Thanks Vishal 🙂
It’s all in good fun because I love being an Army Wife. It’s a good life and it teaches women how to be strong and self sufficient, which I think is the need of the hour.
Thank you so much. 🙂
And your daughter is right, but I stuck to my experience while writing S&S. And it was three years back! Now my views are more towards spice, hahah. Thanks once again.
This is totally artifical life, where fauji wives/ Army wives – you mean wives of few Officers. What about wives of JCO and other Jawans, have any time bothered how they live. Becouse of this segration, almost all the so called fauji wives (officers) becomes unfit for the socity.
Fully agree with you here, sir. The life of Army Officer wives is very different from those of Jawan Wives. I am, however, only fit to write about what I experienced. This article is many things: fun, light hearted and one sided of course, but calling it artificial is mean. This is my truth.
Also, we are all Soldier’s wives, what unites us is the fact that our husbands are bound by the same duty and the worry and concern we share is not dependent on ranks. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Have a good day.
[…] when I say Army Wives, I mean all our Indian Armed Forces wives, kids and families – a special breed of brave and awe-inspiring people I’ve been luck […]
Ya truly said. I am really surprised to read this article. I thought that no one will think like me. But so many are there to think about us. Being a wife of an army man feeling proud. .but being a mom of my kids I’m worried about my life and future. I hate the word separation.. Of course train tickets reservation. ..
Memories evoking article …. Postings are the pet peeves not only for wives but kids as well . My Dad was in the Army and one of my childhood memories is getting upset when we heard
of posting a week after we kids had planted potatoes and other stuff … remember digging them
up and throwing them … .But at the same time I feel we had a Royal childhood which only Army
kids can have …
Totally agreed with the hate points but i have more to add especially i want to add about meeting with a complete stranger and behaving like we know each other from ages i dont how all the fauji’s are so good at this!sometimes i just pause and observe others and wonder that really these couples dont need their own time alone?why are they no interested in spending some quality time each other because you never know about your next posting.then my mind gives me a reply that may be they are not in the honeymoon period zone but for god’s sake we are just married!common spare us some time to spend with each other..ohh i hate when all these not so newly wed couples come to meet us everyday and consume all the time that we have together and most annoying thing is that when i look at my fauji husbands face he is not at all bothered he enjoys it😐😐.still its a new world and new people may be as time passes i would get along well with these not so lovely traditions of fauj
Hello! Aditi ma’am, your blog helped me a lot. I am an army daughter and as well an army girlfriend. We are going to marry very soon. But the main issue I am facing is his anger. He is just terribly angry. Otherwise all is good. He loves me so much. But when he is angry he stopped talking for so long and it’s hurt me a lot. Though I know he is 24/7 busy, he can’t able to manage time to talk sometimes. But I don’t complain for anything. But the issue is when he stopped talking with anger and continue it, I really cannot take that.
Please help me or guide me how to cooperate with this anger. Should I also keep quite and wait for his response?
23 thoughts on “4 Things Every New Army Wife Hates”
Ajoy
(March 6, 2016 - 10:19 pm)Hats off to u women!!
Aditi Mathur Kumar
(March 12, 2016 - 2:27 pm)Why, thank you kind sir! 😀
Nisha
(March 7, 2016 - 12:51 am)Ha Ha Being daughter of an army man I can very well relate to it. The ever moving state of mind and ….
Nice post.
Aditi Mathur Kumar
(March 12, 2016 - 2:26 pm)Thank you Nisha! I am glad you liked the post. And I must say, I am in awe of you army kids. Take a bow!
Much love.
Carl D'Agostino
(July 31, 2016 - 6:30 am)Insightful post. The entire family suffers and the rest of a nation’s citizens have no clue or respect. Thanks for your recent visit to my blog.
Vishal Bheeroo
(September 19, 2016 - 4:44 pm)Aditi! That’s quite a rant and love the long blue box which says a lot! And the F*** word it’s part of my dictionary now and once, I burnt my finger and in front of the bhabies and aunties, I let it off.
Aditi Mathur Kumar
(September 22, 2016 - 1:33 pm)Thanks Vishal 🙂
It’s all in good fun because I love being an Army Wife. It’s a good life and it teaches women how to be strong and self sufficient, which I think is the need of the hour.
ramkuamr
(October 6, 2016 - 1:42 pm)I salute the men and women of our gallant armed forces who have laid down their lives to save ours, with great pride as an Indian.
Kanu Singh
(November 17, 2016 - 7:30 pm)I, as a Fauji spouse, found your book S&S relatable but my daughters felt it has too much sugar! Anyway cheers!!
Aditi Mathur Kumar
(November 18, 2016 - 1:14 pm)Thank you so much. 🙂
And your daughter is right, but I stuck to my experience while writing S&S. And it was three years back! Now my views are more towards spice, hahah. Thanks once again.
Sunil Kumar
(January 17, 2017 - 6:34 pm)Very nice .. great post
Ashok
(March 3, 2017 - 1:34 pm)This is totally artifical life, where fauji wives/ Army wives – you mean wives of few Officers. What about wives of JCO and other Jawans, have any time bothered how they live. Becouse of this segration, almost all the so called fauji wives (officers) becomes unfit for the socity.
Aditi Mathur Kumar
(March 3, 2017 - 1:41 pm)Fully agree with you here, sir. The life of Army Officer wives is very different from those of Jawan Wives. I am, however, only fit to write about what I experienced. This article is many things: fun, light hearted and one sided of course, but calling it artificial is mean. This is my truth.
Also, we are all Soldier’s wives, what unites us is the fact that our husbands are bound by the same duty and the worry and concern we share is not dependent on ranks. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Have a good day.
3 Life Lessons I Learned As An Army Wife: My Recent TEDx Talk - Aditi's Monologue
(June 4, 2017 - 11:52 pm)[…] when I say Army Wives, I mean all our Indian Armed Forces wives, kids and families – a special breed of brave and awe-inspiring people I’ve been luck […]
Clara Jenkins
(September 25, 2017 - 2:01 pm)Great post about ARMY WIVES. I really like it.
Chitra karuppiah
(October 21, 2017 - 11:47 pm)Ya truly said. I am really surprised to read this article. I thought that no one will think like me. But so many are there to think about us. Being a wife of an army man feeling proud. .but being a mom of my kids I’m worried about my life and future. I hate the word separation.. Of course train tickets reservation. ..
Anuni Emerald
(January 5, 2018 - 11:12 pm)Love how you put it. Articulate and insightful…
~Another pound army wife
Anuni Emerald
(January 5, 2018 - 11:13 pm)Love how you put it. Articulate and insightful…
~Another proud army wife
Poonam Dang
(January 20, 2018 - 6:26 pm)Memories evoking article …. Postings are the pet peeves not only for wives but kids as well . My Dad was in the Army and one of my childhood memories is getting upset when we heard
of posting a week after we kids had planted potatoes and other stuff … remember digging them
up and throwing them … .But at the same time I feel we had a Royal childhood which only Army
kids can have …
Anamica upadhyay singh
(May 16, 2018 - 10:53 pm)Totally agreed with the hate points but i have more to add especially i want to add about meeting with a complete stranger and behaving like we know each other from ages i dont how all the fauji’s are so good at this!sometimes i just pause and observe others and wonder that really these couples dont need their own time alone?why are they no interested in spending some quality time each other because you never know about your next posting.then my mind gives me a reply that may be they are not in the honeymoon period zone but for god’s sake we are just married!common spare us some time to spend with each other..ohh i hate when all these not so newly wed couples come to meet us everyday and consume all the time that we have together and most annoying thing is that when i look at my fauji husbands face he is not at all bothered he enjoys it😐😐.still its a new world and new people may be as time passes i would get along well with these not so lovely traditions of fauj
Dr. Avneesh Vij
(January 25, 2019 - 6:01 pm)Hahhaahha…. it was a bit funny, a very nice experience to read such an amazing blog.
Dr. Avneesh Vij
(January 28, 2019 - 2:24 pm)Thanks for sharing this post with such useful information. It will help a lot of women.
Payel Bhowmick
(April 3, 2019 - 12:19 pm)Hello! Aditi ma’am, your blog helped me a lot. I am an army daughter and as well an army girlfriend. We are going to marry very soon. But the main issue I am facing is his anger. He is just terribly angry. Otherwise all is good. He loves me so much. But when he is angry he stopped talking for so long and it’s hurt me a lot. Though I know he is 24/7 busy, he can’t able to manage time to talk sometimes. But I don’t complain for anything. But the issue is when he stopped talking with anger and continue it, I really cannot take that.
Please help me or guide me how to cooperate with this anger. Should I also keep quite and wait for his response?