Aditi's Monologue

Source: bluntcards.com

No, I’m not complaining – My intention here is to simply catalog it all here so that when she’s 16 and cribs about the “embarrassing stuff” I say in front of her friends, I can promptly show her all this and yell ‘Now We’re Even, Kid!” like a crazy mamma and do some air guitar-ing with background music for effect. 

Yeah, it’s a twisted in my head – I’m exhausted today. Just go with it, please? Okay. So here are a few misquoting-situations the toddler has put me in.


1.

Toddler: Papa, I want vodka.
The Husband: WHAT? 
The Toddler: Vodka. Vodka. Mumma says Vodka best. *Twirls and shakes merrily*
The Husband: Adiiiiiiii! (yells my name)
Me: Yeah?
The Husband (looking pale): She said she wants vodka, mumma says vodka is the best?
Me: Oh, haha. She means the song Char Botal Vodka. It’s on your phone. 
The Husband (eyeing me weirdly): Phew. I almost had a heart attack. I thought –
Me: Please. You know I don’t even like Vodka.
Toddler: Mumma loves Vodka! *dances*


2.


Neighbor (to the toddler): Hello little one, do you remember me?
Toddler: Yes. Black aunty.
Me & Neighbor together:  What?
Toddler: Mumma says aunty is black.
Neighbor (look at me): Um?
Me: I said ‘aunty is back. BACK’. Because you’re back from your vacation. 
Neighbor (looks uncertain): Um.
Toddler: Ah. Aunty is black! Aunty is black from waakaayyyshion! *claps*


3.


Husband’s friends are visiting.
One of them to the toddler: You don’t like cake, honey?
Toddler: Like. *nods fervently*
Husband’s Friend: Then why aren’t you eating?
Toddler: Mom says Don’t. Old. Cake.
Hisband’s Friend (to me): Ma’am. Are you giving us old cake to eat?
Me: Oh. No no no. She means Don’t Hold Cake. You know? Because she was wanting to hold the damn cake in her hands and it is obviously – sees that they are all sniggering anyway – oh never mind. Eat the damn cake.
Toddler: Don’t. Old. Cake! *giggles*



So, you see? But then, for every 3 cringe-worthy mis-quotes, she does something incredibly awesome, and evens it all out. Example:

4.

The Husband (comes home after a month and a half of fauji travel): Hello!
Toddler: Hello Papa! MUMMA LOVES YOU! MUMMA LOVES YOU! *jumps up and down*
The Husband: Oh. Wow. Thanks. (kisses my head)
Me: Yeah. Well. (smiling and shrugging)
(I had said ‘Mumma loves you’ to her, after a strict lesson on finishing her lunch, just minutes ago. And for all I know, she was just repeating it, but who’s complaining? It is the truth, after all.)


I am sure that
this is the best stage – toddler-hood. It’s so much fun! Like
having your own unbelievably cute tiny person who talks and laughs and dances at most random
moments. Totally Adorable!


PS: I might make this into a regular series, recording the totally inappropriate and equally adorable things she says, until she grows up and demands deleting this blog. Let’s have fun while we can, okay? 🙂

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