Yes, this one’s really for you, dear reader. Ahan. Look, I have this considerate part of me, hidden deep inside my being, and this part completely takes over me sometimes, like this one time, and I am all set to write a full post on something other than me. On people. Ummm….actually, for people, guiding their way to my good books. *feels good*
Now I know that Google finally recognises me and that I get a cute amount of readers from the web – a regular one from “Deception Bay” (ooooh, I lorve the name!!), have any idea how faaaaaar it is from Delhi? *self-indulgent-smile* Feels great. Hell, I lost focus again – But its happened after long, right? After, let me see, 3 full posts. Hmmmm…..I call it improvement. Whatever. Okay, so this post is dedicated to the cause of educating my readers about the guidelines to follow while dealing with me. Dos and Donts. All well explained. What? You’re not interested? Hello,this is still a monologue love, remember my I-get-to-do-all-the-speaking-here rant? Exactly.
Here you go.
Donts : –
- Don’t talk too much. Its me who does the talking.
- Don’t approach me if I am not responding to you and your smiles, inspite of having met before. I might be ignoring you. You think I might have forgotten you? Darling, you think I have that bad a memory? I am plainly ignoring you. Think, did you bore me last time? Or read this and You’ll know exactly where you faltered.
- Don’t argue with me over what I said last time and how I might contradict it this time. Remember that I am somebody with major mood swings. You’re treading on egg shells, when you’re dealing with me. Be vehhry careful.
- Don’t comment on my taste of music, makeup and-read clearly-books. Even I think your taste is crap, but did I eva’ tell you? See?
- Don’t lecture. I’m post school now, and I didn’t even let them lecture me, for heaven’s sake! I know myself. I flaunt my strengths. I’ve hidden my weaknesses under the bed. I know where my finances are going, thanks to Crazy Marketer. I know I used to be a lil’ indecisive, and now….ummmm…I don’t know. I know I sound confused, but I’m not-I’m actually escaping a boring discussion. On the whole, I don’t need your lectures. The only people who can lecture me are here and here and here and at my home in Kota.
- Don’t interrupt my performance. Performance? You didn’t know? See, most of the time in life, I am performing. And I’m the main lead. I hateeeeee being interrupted.
- Don’t complain if I blame you for a lot of things happening around. Please don’t start building your defences; I didn’t say its your fault, I just said I’d blame you. chill.
- If you are a pervert, I’ll know. So phlueese avoid the I’m-so-very-interested-in-what-you-are-saying bullshit. I know exactly where your interest has been. Yes, I never miss those drifting glances; so don’t pretend, just FO.
- Most important – Don’t ever tell me I’m self obsessed. Hell, how can someone be self obsessed with a full time job, with living alone in Delhi, with so many bills to pay, with every day cooking, with so many issues to handle?
- Say “HI!” to me before I spot you in the crowd. It will make me feel good.
- If the meeting is planned, you can safely bring some chocolates along, and behave as badly as you want to. Chocolates fix everything.
- Let me mention it again, Bring me Chocolates.
- Invite me for a pasta treat. I’ll think high of your tastes.
- I always have a sackful of stories to tell. funny ones. Yes, strangely, everything around me has to be funny-dont know why! Anyway, so when i start telling one of my funny stories, please be genuninely interested and for f#*k’s sake, laugh a lot. I will flatter me.
- When you’re with me, behave like me. In other words, behave badly. Laugh a lot. Laugh on everyone around. Laugh for no reasons. And laugh more when people wonder what’s making you laugh. Morons.
- Make fun how Kareena kapoor cant dance, Saaaarukk cant act and some stoooopid kids think kkrish is real. hahaha.
- There were a few virtues I once had. There are fewer now. So appreciate, and respect whatever is left. I’ll love that.
- If you have to give me a present, go for books. I’ll remember you for the rest of my life. (Thank you Don, You know I love ya, right?)
- Allow me to say whatever I want. Not that there’s any way to stop me,but at least you’ll feel good about your approval. So go ahead, let me speak.
- If you are a girl, you can hug me and tell me that I have lost weight and I am looking my sexy best now. I will surely reciprocate the compliment, sweeti.
- Lastly, be good to me. Atleast I’m honest!