Virginity: Over rated?

Really, is virginity so important? Why can guys get away with being obsessed with it? Does it really matter in a relationship? Or can you tell a person’s behaviour in association with his/her sexual past? Is virginity only for girls? Seriously, is virginity overrated?
A email conversation with a school friend of mine who has no access to the internet in her boring office except for the official mail and she always mails me on my official ID. (obviously, i changed phone numbers in signatures and the email IDs. But conversations are real).


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]

Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 4:35 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Are you alive?
Importance: High

Hi Aditi

Wanted to chk if you are alive. If yes, mail back. If not, don’t bother.

Regards Pritha


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 4:38 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re:
Are you alive?

Not bothered.

What kind of a person doesn’t invite friends on her wedding anyway?

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]

Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 4:42 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Re:
Re: Are you alive?
Importance: High

What wedding? I only said that the arranged marriage scene was kinda working out with some guy (finally), no?

Regards Pritha


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 4:51 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Are you alive?

Well yes. But since you disappeared, stopped spamming my official ID, didn’t reply to my 2 and a half mails (2 genuine mails and one forward), and stopped showing up in any FaceBook update, I assumed you are in a relationship. No?

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]
Sent:
Tuesday, September 30, 2008 4:57 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?
Importance: High

Nooooooooooo. I was busy. It did come to a wedding talk eventually until I realized he was an asshole and I said a no to him. Your friend is still single.:)

Regards Pritha


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:04 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?

Oh. Busy with what? And when/how did u realize he was an asshole?

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]

Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:11 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?
Importance: High

Busy with anger management. Did you know there are even books on the subject? I found out at various points during out 2 months of ‘get-to-know-each-other’ thing, but I thought it was a general guy thing, until one day. You don’t want to know what, really.

Regards Pritha


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:16 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?

I want to know.

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]

Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:19 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you alive?
Importance: High

He wanted a virgin wife!

Regards Pritha


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:22 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Are you Serious?????

Honey, but you ARE a virgin!

(the last I knew)

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]
Sent:
Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:29 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Re:
Are you Serious?????
Importance: High

I am a virgin. But that’s not the point Adi!!!! He was a hipocrite!! He is one of those men who, throughout their bachelorhood, will make sure there is no virgin girl left on the continent, and then will want to get married to a virgin. How lame is that? This is principally not okay with me.

Regards Pritha


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:31 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re:
Re: Are you Serious?????

Hmmm….

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:39 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re: Re:
Re: Are you Serious?????

(sorry, took some time to sink in)

Actually you did the right thing P. What is principally not okay, is NOT OKAY. Period. I am so proud of you.

Cheers!

Aditi

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999


From: Pritha [mailto:pritha@in.com]
Sent:
Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:43 PM
To: Aditi
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Are you Serious?????
Importance: High

Thanks Adi. Mom is scandalized, but a woman’s got to do what she got to do. J

Coming to Kota this Diwali?

Regards Pritha

PS: You should blog about this. Change my name and ID obviously.


From: Aditi [mailto:Aditi@mycompany.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 30, 2008 5:49 PM
To: ‘Pritha’
Subject: Re:
Re: Re: Re: Re: Are you Serious?????

Yup!

=D

Lets meet at Convention and order the same greasy Chinese and you can tell me more about this Mr.Virgin Wife.

Love ya!

Cheers!

Aditi

PS: I will blog about it obviously. In the same format. Ding Ding Ding! =D

—————————————————————————-
Aditi Mathur | Account Manager | My Company | Phone: 9899999999

Post Author: Aditi Mathur Kumar

Author of 2 books. TEDx Speaker. Travel Writer. Blogger. Addicted to Travel & Books. Digital Media Strategist. Social Media Girl. Army Wife. Mom. Curious. Crazy.

35 thoughts on “Virginity: Over rated?

    --xh--

    (September 30, 2008 - 2:31 pm)

    Yes, it is very much over rated and hyped up – and guys who says they want a virgin wife are first rate hypocrats.

    personally, i believe it don’t figure out anywhere in the relation ship.

    Your friend did the right thing.

    and for me, the virginity of my future wife dose not figure any where in teh relationship.

    Adi Crazy

    (September 30, 2008 - 2:32 pm)

    –Xh–: Righto! Same here. I just get confused with so many double standard and cheap talk around.
    🙂

    Mishra

    (September 30, 2008 - 2:34 pm)

    DAMN- back you are and that too with a mast-wala-post.Serious wala comment will follow after I am done with exams- for now,I simply enjoyed the conversation.

    Adi Crazy

    (September 30, 2008 - 2:35 pm)

    Mishra: lol.
    Yeah, could I be getting insane day by day? 😛
    Awaiting a serious comment.

    Sach!

    (September 30, 2008 - 2:50 pm)

    Fucking male chauvinism! I so hate to have such people around but but…
    nevertheless you encounter such MEN almost every damn minute!
    🙂
    Your friend did a perfect thing. I just hope I am able to do something so apt if kept in such a situation.

    Akshay

    (September 30, 2008 - 5:47 pm)

    Ok… ha… what a loser….but then the fact is that a majority of men will think this way…. they pretend to be open/broad minded…… but whatever…. I think ur friend did the right thing …. though next time she should probably publicly humiliate the guy….

    Silvara

    (October 1, 2008 - 5:19 am)

    Totally agree Adi – when one hasn’t had sex – it is regarded with mystic like proportions. Honestly? Not a big deal.

    So virginity in itself is not a big deal – do it when it feels right to you, not what people dictate. Before or after marriage – it should be YOUR call not because some asshole feels like it is the ultimate virtue for a partner.

    A HUGE kudos to your friend for standing up to Mr. Asshole. Unfortunately it is the story of many a NRI guy (and I am sure many desi ones as well) who fuck around and then want a ‘pavithra’ wife.

    Supernova

    (October 1, 2008 - 6:55 am)

    oh BTW, congrats…u won Brilliante Blog Award 🙂 read abt it on my blog.

    Supernova

    (October 1, 2008 - 6:55 am)

    Hail gal power! kudos to ur pal for kickin off that guy..its soo very lame.

    Prakhar

    (October 1, 2008 - 10:42 am)

    Interesting conversation…nd she did the right thing!..he was an asshole!

    Sam

    (October 1, 2008 - 11:59 am)

    Is everything thats kinda happening with me, happening with somebody around me too?

    Kenny

    (October 1, 2008 - 1:56 pm)

    Personally, i prefer women with *ahem* experience 😛 …nl maybe i shouldn’t have said that out loud…so virginity..definitely overrated…if a person had sex at some point of his or her life can’t be given that much importance in forming any relationship. So such hypocrites are lame, kudos for your friend…and It’s nice to leave a comment after two months and four posts… Cheers!! 🙂

    Joker

    (October 2, 2008 - 4:12 pm)

    Umm I think expecting virginity is not wrong! Lets forget boy/girl for a moment. If I am a virgin, is it wrong to expect _virginity_ from my spouse?

    And well you would say the GUY in question is not one. Then isn’t it your friend’s mistake to get involved with him in first place?

    BTW probably you forgot to replace Deepti in some parts of the conversations 🙂

    gunj

    (October 2, 2008 - 4:14 pm)

    hats off to ur friend 😀

    humbl devil

    (October 2, 2008 - 4:14 pm)

    kudos to this gal!!!

    she will get a cool guy for a hubby…surely!!!

    🙂

    Sachin Garg

    (October 2, 2008 - 5:55 pm)

    Adding another dimension to the discussion my friend,
    what if the guy was a virgin geek?
    just curious.

    ♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥

    (October 3, 2008 - 5:31 am)

    whistles!

    Bubbly Vodka

    (October 7, 2008 - 4:59 am)

    Cheers to your friend. Virginity is overrated for sure. And that man, he needs to be kicked.

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:21 am)

    Sachi: Right! 😛 we find them everywhere. She did the right thing, yes. But I hope no other girl faces this situation ever. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:21 am)

    Akshay: I guess u r right Akshay…most guys think like this.But it is good enough that few men do not. Cheers! 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:22 am)

    Silvara: Not a big deal at all! I agree. It is the story with every Indian guy as well…Sad.

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:22 am)

    Supernova: Heehee. Thanks girl. And thanks again for that award. I am so glad and touched. WIll put it up here and flaunt it soon. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:22 am)

    Prakhar: I know man, he was a total jerk. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:22 am)

    Sam: Worse of all, happens to the best of us, is all I can say.

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:22 am)

    Kenny: Where exactly wr you lost thses days? And I like your *ahem* experience thing. Also makes you NOT and asshole like most Indian men. Cheers!

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:23 am)

    Humbl Devil: I wish. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:23 am)

    Gunj: 😀 That’s what I said to her when she called me last week.

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:23 am)

    Joker:I think it is wrong. This makes you give more importance to the past than the future. It is worng wthr you yourself had sex or did not. But ten that’s my personal view, you might have a different point to make. 🙂

    ANd my friend did not get ‘involved’ with this jerk. This was an arranged marriage situation where they met and wr now talking on phone to know each other better…good she found out early.

    Thanks a ton! I made a ghastly mistake by putting up that name. Thank you. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:23 am)

    Sachin Garg: No escape. Virgin or not virgin, this kind of mindset is crazy.

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:24 am)

    Busy Writer: Blushes. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (October 7, 2008 - 5:24 am)

    Bubbly Vodka: Thanks! 😀 I will kick him if i ever meet him. heehee

    Dexter_busy

    (October 13, 2008 - 1:26 pm)

    Hypocrisy..rules…da..world..No doubt..ur friend did da right thing!!

    Mishra

    (October 14, 2008 - 1:51 pm)

    I will be blunt,if nothing else.

    I think virginity,intercourse,marriage and character are starkly unrelated.I do wonder as to how someone making out minutes before marriage is a sinner and few minutes hence,it appears all so acceptable.Does not make sense,if you ask me.

    Its not hypocrisy either on guys part (No.that is not the guy inside me speaking).Females too are found to relate committment and premarital sex.Sex is physical and character is mental state of being.

    I admire you for talking the matter out here because not many would even dare to mention the “V” word here.Hats off to your friend !

    marvin the paranoid android

    (November 18, 2008 - 5:33 am)

    me agrees with mishra… it is not male chauvinism at all.. this thought process can be found equally well spread in women as in men, just then in our country women get to speak out their minds much less than men, especially in the context of an arranged marriage..

    Varsha

    (December 17, 2008 - 4:32 pm)

    very good post dear..:).. She did the rite thing 🙂

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