Type of Men

Okay so what if I don’t have a boyfriend, what if I don’t believe in men, what if I am not really qualified to talk about the subject and what if my dream men are all literary characters sitting on a shelf in my room – I still have a right to write about men, right? 🙂 






Based on my limited/scarce/prejudiced/inadequate/shallow knowledge on the subject, I shall share the list – MY LIST, YASS! – of various types of men that exist on the planet. This list is totally outrageous, completely stupid and purely meant for those who are feeling low at the moment – please don’t start the whole this-is-sexist bullshit with me. I could kill right now, I’m in that bad a phase, anger-issue wise. 


There is so much I want to say before starting out with my list, but I am suffering from a memory lapse since the time I woke up this morning – with the younger brother living with me these days, with his engineering college admission processes, with his lunch/dinner worries, with his ‘I-m-so-fucking-bored’ rant every day, with our late night make-cruel-fun-of-our-relatives sessions, etc etc etc – because I am too exhausted for life at the moment. 


So cut and straight to the point I go – 


Type 1: I-am-your-best-friend Man 


This type is abundant. They want to be your friend and share all your highs and lows. They take care of you, they know you and your feelings, they seem trustable and dependable and they are the perfect guy-friends. Come to think of it, they are 10 times better than most of your girl friends. (most of the girl friends, not all). They claim this is a platonic relationship, against the ‘when harry met sally’ law – boys and girls can never be friends – and even you, the smart ass yourself, believe them. You laugh with him on his flirtatious exploits with other girls because you think you are a different league that these ‘other’ girls. Haha. But whatever, all is well till you and him are purely gender-less friends. Life could go on smoothly. But nooooooooooooo, every man has to be a man. Sooner or later, the “other” angel crops up and spoils everything. This angle can be –

  • he falls in love with you,
  • he is not comfortable with your other guy friends because he is the ‘Best-Friend’,
  • he is actually a regular selfish person who – when left with no other girl because of various reasons – starts the more-than-friends bullshit with you hoping you will reciprocate,

Whatever reason, this ends up with not so friendly terms. You might still give him a chance but you know you will be cautious now on and things will never be same again.


Type 2: I-want- to-rescue-you Man 

This guy has heard a lot of Cinderella –Snow White stories and fancies himself as the knight in shining armor. He has all the acts practiced and all the reflexes ready, all he needs is a damsel in distress. Even if you are happy and giggling like crazy, he will see the “pain in your eyes” and will take a blood oath to rescue you from whatever it is that is hurting you. They easily fall for the lamest things like ‘I don’t believe in love’ (this makes them think you are heartbroken) or ‘Childhood was the best phase’ (he gets an idea that you are unhappy with the grown up life). He is generally a nice guy with a big heart and a penchant for girls in pain. My theory is that this guy has recently had a breakup or a troubled life. This guy is not very common but every girl comes across such a guy once in a while. He really wants to help, to make a difference without any agenda. Good guy, this one. The only thing is, once he thinks you are happy, he is disappointed. For him to be happy, you have to feign deep sorrow throughout. 

Type 3: The Every-Girl-Needs-A-Gay-Friend Man 

This guy is fun, Gee! He is gay and he thinks he can hide it. Being gay is fine, absolutely. I’m all for LGBT rights and one of my closest buds is a still-in-the-closet-for-his-parents gay. But you have to understand that in a country like India, people hide their sexuality because the law is, well, totally archaic and probably confused. Obviously, because of various reasons, and I don’t blame them for not coming out. But, based on my one real life friend and several movie-taught gyan, I think this man is generally amazing fun and is more often then not, honest. 

Type 4: The I-Want-To-Be-Alone Man 


Okay, so this guy wants to be alone, have no doubts about this. But he is not like us regular girls, no, he will not stay shut up in his cluttered room and watch movies or something. Instead, he will dress up and go out to crowded hangout zones and sit alone. He will watch you, he will check out every girl in the vicinity and he will ogle openly at times, but he will not approach anyone. He will sip his coffee or beer and watch other people. I guess he is in a self-reflective mode, contemplating about life and asking questions about himself, meanwhile failing to concentrate and thus getting distracted. Poor guy, he is mostly in some low phase or maybe he’s just not in the mood to chat up with strangers, but beware, he can also be a criminal. You never know. Key is, just ignore him and let him be.


Type 5: Arrogant Man 


This man is on a power trip. He has some kind of an inferiority complex and he hates all women. He gets his kicks by abusing women and/or making fun of them in a cruel way. He has been treated badly in the past (I think, by a woman) and he thinks he will be at par by being cruel to every woman he meets. He is the type you will find on a road side or in a mall. This type is very rare. But he can be a really bad experience. He will be glad if he makes a girl cry, Yes. He will spot you if you are good looking and smart will decide that you are conceited – something that he hates. He will then punish you for it. Loser. But better to be away. Really. 


Type 6: I-Want-To-Marry-You Man 


This man can be one of the I-am-your-best-friend Man, or the I-want- to-rescue-you Man but trust me, this is also rare species. He is good, if you think he is good for you, that is. Life can be cool and you can have a happily-ever-after if you like him. But in case you don’t want to tie the knot, you are in trouble. This guy will fall in love with you honestly and it will break your heart to say a ‘no’ to him. He is generally a good friend, whom u will hate to hurt. He will tell everyone about his feelings for you, making you feel ashamed of yourself. This generally ends up like a fairy tale (if you say a yes) or disastrously (if you deny). 


Type 7: I-Am-a-Rockstar Man 


This guy is a complete show-off. He thinks he is a rock star of some sort and is totally deluded. He will see you, and when other men will see beauty or opportunity or style or something else, this guy will see audience! He will charm you with tales about himself. He is self obsessed and thinks it is his business to butt into every damn person’s life. He will dazzle you with stories from his glorious past (that he probably has cooked up himself), he will impress you with his accomplishments with other girls (this one is my personal dislike), he will surprise you with how high people think of him (he himself tells you this) and much more. His aim to strike a conversation with you is to speak about himself to a second person first being his-own-mighty self (I suspect he talks to himself nonstop). 


Type 8: Regular Man 


This is a common type. He is your regular guy, yes – loves gadgets (What? Most of them do), loves sports (well, mostly),  hangs out with boy gangs, is capable of hurting, loves action, hate to admit that he likes romantic movies – in short he is just normal. Be careful around him. He is nice but get to know him before you start dreaming of dinner dates. Just saying.


I’m done. Remember that there can be more than one types in a real guy, these types can be phases of life also. And then, this is my list. 🙂 


UPDATE: Monologue is mentioned in Great Bong’s latest Blog. OMG. The Barkha Dutt blog I wrote is linked to Great Bongs’s post! Means he read Monologue, at least once, right? Wow. Isn’t that great? I am super duper excited. Now, does this count as being famous? 🙂

Post Author: Aditi Mathur Kumar

Author. Traveller. Blogger. Talker. Eavesdropper.

73 thoughts on “Type of Men

    (¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯)

    (August 23, 2008 - 6:00 pm)

    haha… interesting 🙂

    I do agree with the fact that guy friends are sometimes so much better than having girl-friends 🙂

    gunj

    (August 23, 2008 - 6:02 pm)

    sheh i dont think i can fall fo any of those from d list!! does dat mean im always gonna stay single 🙁
    whr are d hunks??

    piyush

    (August 23, 2008 - 6:02 pm)

    being very new to the bloggin world…cant make the comparisons..but m sure..its a gr8 work..n has made me ur fan..m sumhow tryin to figure out..which type of men i m..:)…he he

    akanksha

    (August 23, 2008 - 6:02 pm)

    Hmmmmmmm Gyaan n all!!! 😛

    Pritha

    (August 23, 2008 - 6:07 pm)

    Superb! You are my celebrity Blogger!!! muah ! 😀

    ♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥

    (August 23, 2008 - 6:47 pm)

    What is your aim, woman? To get all of us motivated enough to like women?

    I’m already fallin for the idea.

    😐

    Really. Dont they make a lil big of this, and a lil bit of that and that and that-sorta man? 😐

    Sach!

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:07 am)

    🙂
    that was fun! but you should have added good guys too..I mean the regular man as a friend…naah! doesn’t exist 😀

    Swayam

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:09 am)

    seen all the variety… and fallen for most of the first :)… btw loved the classification..

    Harry

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:09 am)

    Very well written!

    BTW …great blog! 😀

    go-phish

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:09 am)

    hahahahaha…..i love the description of i-want-to-be-alone-guy! hilarious! isnt it typical though?? we-MUSt-muse-in-public syndrome! :D….guess they just wanna feel special 😛

    ps- *still laughing*

    pps- there are probably more ‘types’ out there…maybe mutual-liking-guy…a mix of the average guy and one who’s fabulously flawed to suit that one person!!!….*haha*…havent met him though! 🙂

    go-phish

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:09 am)

    hahahahaha…..i love the description of i-want-to-be-alone-guy! hilarious! isnt it typical though?? we-MUSt-muse-in-public syndrome! :D….guess they just wanna feel special 😛

    ps- *still laughing*

    pps- there are probably more ‘types’ out there…maybe mutual-liking-guy…a mix of the average guy and one who’s fabulously flawed to suit that one person!!!….*haha*…havent met him though! 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:49 am)

    Raaji: Thanks, I strongly believe that guys are sometimes so much better friends, but only only only till the threshold, if you know what I mean. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:50 am)

    Ananksha: Yeah man, pure gyan and it comes with a ‘personaly ok- tested’ stamp.

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:51 am)

    Piyush: Finally, the man himself! Thanks. heehee. I will tell you personally what category you fall under. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:51 am)

    Gunj: Oh ya, hunks! Forgot to mention them. The problem is, I havent been seeing any hunks around. They are an illusion I think. But lets keep our hopes high and wait for them to turn up.

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:52 am)

    Pritha: muah! After the Great Bong’s mention, I am feeling like a total celebrity.

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:52 am)

    Busy Writer: You got it babes! (wink)

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:53 am)

    Sach: Arrey goood guy kahan se add karun yaar…koi good guy milta hee nai 😐
    I agree with the ‘doesn’t exist’ part. 😛

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:53 am)

    Go-Phish: heheheh. True. I haven’t met him yet so pray I meet more guys and I will give more gyan. hehe

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:53 am)

    Harry: Thanks a ton! 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (August 24, 2008 - 8:54 am)

    Swayam: ROTFL! Same pinch. Thanks a lot. I will add a few more types as and when I happen to meet them.

    Sri Tatsat Mishra

    (August 24, 2008 - 3:27 pm)

    Interesting analysis..A pretty detailed one.If I were to write something like this,it would have taken 3 months atleast.

    I think I am a precise mixture of all this.80%Type8,10% each of Type4 and Type5.

    Congrats about the great Bong thing.You are already popular and you know it- the best I have seen around here 🙂

    Longroads

    (August 25, 2008 - 8:46 am)

    Mind blowing post!
    Hail Adi.

    Anonymous

    (August 25, 2008 - 8:51 am)

    I loved this one man! Adi, you rock. Simply cool post. 🙂
    Waise, wouldn’t have harmed if you listed the ‘good man’ as well…I thik they exist…maybe…i guess…whatever…
    ha!

    DON

    (August 25, 2008 - 4:17 pm)

    WOW !! ( simplest word I have for this post)

    Eager to read the counterpart of the same :

    “Type of Women”

    Cheers!!

    *~*{Sameera}*~*

    (August 26, 2008 - 5:31 am)

    That was some classification girl!It takes some proportions of the first seven to make that normal eighth 🙂

    Isha Lakhani

    (August 26, 2008 - 10:16 am)

    I so fucking love your blog di, but you know I comment rarely. I jsut couldnt stop myself this time though. You should write regularly, and rofessionaly as well in those humor magazines, u know what I mean? This post is way too cool Adi Di. Great work. Hugs for you!!

    Isha Lakhani

    (August 26, 2008 - 10:16 am)

    I so fucking love your blog di, but you know I comment rarely. I jsut couldnt stop myself this time though. You should write regularly, and rofessionaly as well in those humor magazines, u know what I mean? This post is way too cool Adi Di. Great work. Hugs for you!!

    Anonymous

    (August 26, 2008 - 10:50 am)

    Good blog.

    Anonymous

    (August 26, 2008 - 10:50 am)

    Good Blog.

    -Nikhil

    Spectator

    (August 26, 2008 - 6:51 pm)

    aah… someone is noticing guys a lot !!!

    Harshad Joshi

    (August 27, 2008 - 5:10 pm)

    Well, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post..Well written, I could directly correlate some points with me.. 😛

    Based on facts, I can catagorize myself as

    60 % of Type 1 + 25 % of Type 2 + 5% of Type 6 + 10 % of Type 8

    Whatever it comes up to..

    I immensely liked this post..

    PS – Write a post regarding gurls too.. 😉 we will then see which type of guys matches with what type of girls.

    Sachin Garg

    (August 27, 2008 - 6:09 pm)

    I felt “this is me” on reading every type.
    Does this testify my Multiple Personality Syndrome?

    Kriti

    (August 28, 2008 - 11:39 am)

    Hey Adi, I like this post and your nlog a lot. Keep writing. What about a ‘Type of Girls’ post next?
    hahaha

    Ps

    (August 28, 2008 - 1:42 pm)

    heh heh–Enjoyed reading this.
    🙂
    One more category of men you missed out–HUSBANDS :-)LOL.
    Cheers
    Preeti

    Sam

    (August 29, 2008 - 5:07 am)

    Awww..damn sweet!! I’ve encountered quite a few of them.. and congrats on being popular, am sure it feels great!! 😀

    Karthik S

    (August 29, 2008 - 5:08 am)

    Good one yaar !!! and congrats for getting more famous 🙂

    Cheers 🙂

    geet

    (August 29, 2008 - 5:08 am)

    i hate all of those. saala am not thinking of them actually. i feel like using and throwing them…

    Silvara

    (September 1, 2008 - 6:23 pm)

    OMG I can’t believe I didn’t comment before – loved this post!

    heheh you really should have ur own column. Totally deserve that Award now – *meekly* would you still accept it if I gave it you now?? 🙂

    Sach!

    (September 1, 2008 - 6:25 pm)

    Hey! I changed my url:

    http://sachi-stayingalive.blogspot.com/

    and have something for you to read…

    arwa

    (September 3, 2008 - 6:52 am)

    oh i neva thot so mch abt guys.was lucky enuf to keep away fm useless creatures(useful one is wid me).this blog seems to b an eye opener.aah now my mind will b mr bzy categorising them thn givin attention.lol

    ~junkie

    (September 3, 2008 - 6:53 am)

    omg, omg !
    what an awesome classification u’ve got there 🙂
    shine on

    Scribblers Inc

    (September 4, 2008 - 12:03 pm)

    whoa!!you could write a book if you had a boyfrined if this is without one!!

    Scribblers Inc.

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:04 pm)

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:04 pm)

    Sri: you would have taken 3 months because u are a thnker. For me, no thinking, only typing. heeheeThanks about the Great Bong thing, I was so excited. And for the rest..silence. 😛

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:05 pm)

    Longroads: Really? Thanks 🙂

    Anon: They dont exist. Thanks. 🙂

    Don: ‘Type of women’? Nooooooooo

    Sameera: hehhe…yeah, but i havent found any normal one yet !!

    Isha: I didnt know you read my blog! 🙂 Thanks a ton honey!

    Anon/Nikhil: Thanks 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:05 pm)

    Spectator: yeahhh..and getting disappointed a lot!

    Harshad: lol. Thanks man! 60% type 1???? whooooaaaa!! For girls, noooooooooooooooooooo (again)

    Sachin: MPD, for sure. Get urself checked. Or take me out for a coffee. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:05 pm)

    Kriti: Thanks! Now girls are difficult to categoris…so i will think..hehe

    PS: LOL. Husband will be included when i get married. 🙂

    Geet: Me too! Me too!

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:06 pm)

    Karthik: Thanks pal! 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:06 pm)

    Kriti: Thanks! Now girls are difficult to categoris…so i will think..hehe

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:06 pm)

    PS: LOL. Husband will be included when i get married. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:06 pm)

    Geet: Me too! Me too!

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:06 pm)

    Sachi: Thanks againnnnnnn!!!!! 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:07 pm)

    Silvera: YESSSSSSSSSS I WOULDDDDDDD (SCREAMS) 😀 Jokes apart, your saying this means a lot. Thanks! 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:07 pm)

    Arwa: ROTFL@eye opener. Thnks girl, love you!

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:07 pm)

    Junkie: Thanks. I m shining. 😀

    Adi Crazy

    (September 4, 2008 - 2:07 pm)

    Scribblers: Book..? Now, that’s an idea. Lemmi go hunt for a boyfrnd. 🙂

    Renie

    (September 5, 2008 - 8:52 am)

    Great community you have here on your blog. 🙂 See you tomorrow at the Delhi blogger meet!

    Irreversibly Screwed

    (September 9, 2008 - 5:27 am)

    u forgot the most common type of guy.. the “Asshole”.. the one who thinks he’s the best thing that happened to this world, and who thinks he can get away with anything..
    but guys are better friends than most girls.. anyday!!!…
    very cool post.. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 9, 2008 - 4:31 pm)

    Renie: awww…I couldnt atend it though I registered for it looong back. 🙁
    How was it anyway? Did you go?

    Adi Crazy

    (September 9, 2008 - 4:32 pm)

    irreversibly screwed: lol. Yeah, I forgot this kind. maybe I assume this kind is a little in every type I mentioned…
    🙂

    Renie

    (September 9, 2008 - 5:17 pm)

    Yep, I went (I’m one of the IndiBlogger team, so I guess I had to be there!) and it was great! Hope we can see you the next time around. 🙂

    Adi Crazy

    (September 9, 2008 - 5:19 pm)

    Renie: Oh wow! Man, I missed it :-/
    I have this tendency to get suddenly sick when I really really want to go somewhere or do something. Next time, maybe.
    BTW, I am unable to go to your link from here so pls gimmi your blog link…

    Renie

    (September 10, 2008 - 5:43 am)

    I blog at Skepticity and the IndiBlogger blog. 🙂

    Keshi

    (September 12, 2008 - 6:26 am)

    LOL LOL LOL! I love it girl! For some reason, I felt that I was writing this post..lolz cos I write alot like u!

    Even my today’s post is something like this haha!

    ROFL @sex-starved regular guy!

    Keshi.

    Scribblers Inc

    (September 12, 2008 - 9:24 am)

    updaaaaaate!!:)

    Scribblers Inc.

    humbl devil

    (September 13, 2008 - 6:56 am)

    nys analysis…
    so when are ya completing your phD???
    😀

    me cud fit in as 50% regular…10%alone guy…and the rest plain devilish 😛

    Sam

    (September 13, 2008 - 6:26 pm)

    Hey, this is not regarding the post but I had no other means to get in touch.. I am looking out for one/two girls to share my place with, its a two bedroom set, furnished, right behind JMD.. Since you stay in Gurgaon itself, I thought I could get in touch with you..
    So pleeeaasseeee help me if you got somebody in mind!! 🙂 Thanks sweetie, take care..

    Gaurav

    (September 14, 2008 - 7:45 am)

    hmmm…so Great Bong’s blog…aaaaahm aaaaahm….jai ho!!!
    Anyways I thought thats doing circles in ma brain from the moment i finished this post..that ” Main Kaun hoooin??”

    Anyways….what the hell you doing in IA…Start your own magazine..or take CEO seat of ma company…kuch karo ji..tusi great ho…u can seriously do big…!! by the way im booking this post for ma magazine…

    Varun Gupta

    (September 29, 2008 - 6:54 am)

    that was nce..
    i will not categorse women..i am too small a person to do that…neither wud i deny wat u have written there….buttttttt
    lets take it this way..
    u love a girl and she loves her parents….
    need not tell wat happens to the guy in question…
    u are balasstic babbling abt ur life not bcz u wanted to bcz she made u….no points for guessing what became of this guy….
    ohhhhh i forgot the sweet little next door girl..she is cute tok ur heart away…and made it bled…..

    ye she does love me but she cant leave her parents her dad is too weak to take it on…blah blah…….
    ohh no no this is modern day world u have women strong as diamond,but neither are we carbon fibers we do have a stretchable limit,and pure as platinum….they wnt let u down….is it ye they will just make u roll over…..
    ….

    honey the simple thing is …if it cant be it cant be if it is to it will be..if we cud do so much as to control of our life ..wud we be human…..
    men are bad we are dogs..but ten there is a she gender to that

    ancientmariner

    (October 2, 2008 - 4:14 pm)

    funny…made me think..as I am also one of those ‘types’..:D

    Varun Gupta

    (October 5, 2008 - 4:14 pm)

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    Varun Gupta

    (October 5, 2008 - 4:14 pm)

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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