I have survived a 3rd degree sun burn while rafting, I have emerged from a ‘who am I?’ kind of reflective phase and have dealt with a bitch from a client company. The only good things being the fun I had on the raft and a special interest. (Okay I won’t say more about it). All in all the month has been a bitch. So here I am with one more of my mean-est cruel-est and hyper-dramatic posts. This is not an original idea, let me confess. My creative director, Shubho, Gave me this idea. This is about celebrating a day of predicting everyone’s future as you see it. No homework required. Just take a deep breath and start talking. Trust me!
Well, I’ll start with my own future prediction, courtesy Shubho. No matter how much I hate being so serious about myself and hate bringing up the subject “ME!!” all the time, I can’t seem to help it often. Anyway, I have to start with someone so it’s me. Without giving any special treatment to my future, here’s my funny yet strange prediction. If there is a sad-strange-discomforting thing about it, I’ve made myself believe that people around me barely know the ‘real’ me. The prediction: No matter how big or small I think about my future and what rules I have in life, I will finally land up in a big plush house in GK-2, Delhi (right behind M-Block) with a very loving husband and a bright kid. The life of insane richness and luxury- I will have a big social circle. At 40, I will say ‘I hate Indians!’ and move to the Bahamas for a year or two and live a life of complete bliss. At 60 I will have a nervous breakdown, when the most expensive doctors of the world will give me most expensive therapies but it won’t help – I will scream that all my life I’ve been a people’s person, I’ve been smiling, being super good with people, working hard, trying to make people happy, being bubbly, being a good friend but actually, I hate people and all I ever wanted to do was to kill people. And then, with all therapies failing, I will go about killing people.
(Cruel laughter)Okay, that’s it for my illusive future. It is fun to predict future for people, and it really is fun. No science.
Okay so here we go – some examples and some guidelines.
Abhishek, my really good friend and colleague, has a future prediction too. A little background – he is generally a happy go lucky chap. Very ambitious and passionate. Very popular among girls as well. Prediction for him is – one night, between hailstorm and thunder, there will be a knock on my posh GK-2 house. On opening the door I will see a dishevelled and drunk guy, with overgrown beard and long unkempt hair, falling down on my doorsteps. Abhishek. He will look up and say “Adi, It’s not working out!” and will pass out. Hahahah. Abhishek was so alarmed all of a sudden on listening to this one and in a low voice, he asked me ‘Why such a disaster for me?’ lol
A college friend, Vibha, who, like me, always wanted to get into the Advertising world and pretended to be with me in the search of internships and/or contacts in the ad world and one day went and joined Mudra all alone without even caring to tell me about her lucky chance and my disaster. She ditched me. She apologised later after getting drunk in a college party and we were laughing and talking again. For some reason, she was forced to leave the internship in less than 2 months on account of her ‘unhealthy’ attitude and – her story – a senior guy prepositioning her bluntly on the face by asking her to sleep with him. No, I don’t believe it either. (Deep breath) Too much for the background. She is working in some bank now and we still talk on phone once in a while. Today was her turn for my prediction and obviously she begged to listen to it and I started off. ‘You will make it big in the Ad World even if you have stopped thinking about it. You will get this fat chance after your marriage. Maybe you’ll get married to the guy who sacked you for not sleeping with him, after his divorce? Anyway, the world will realize that your talent towards advertising is beyond compare. You will rule the Ad World. You will be the ‘next big thing’ in Advertising and I, being in advertising world already, will proudly tell people about our strong bond and old days when we started off by searching for internships. How nice, isn’t it?’
She had to go somewhere urgently so she didn’t answer and excused herself.
Another friend, who has had a much talked about breakup recently and hooked up with a random guy almost the next second, was with me for a coffee. I wanted to do some general bitching, not thinking about predictions when she started telling me about this tarot card reading she got recently. That was my golden chance. God of cheap thrills was helping me. So her prediction was – ‘You will make up with your first boyfriend – who is my friend as well – because there will be no one else left in our age brackets that you didn’t date. Both of you will live together and rekindle the fire but will be afraid to commit marriage. You will live in Hyderabad (dunno where it came from!) with 2 kids, but unmarried and will be iconic single parents (Single parents here means both together but not married, so both single, correct? Correct.) A happy life.’ I think I got her thinking. I tell you, I can rake some sleeping brains at times with my brilliant insights. She called up the guy (1st boyfriend) that night and of what I know, they are on considering getting back already. Oh, I am the home-maker of the year! Thankyou!
Then I went o get a sun-burn moisturizer from a shop near my office, where I told the shopkeeper that I see his own aryurvedic products earning him a lot of money. At planet-M, I told the guy that he will be a picked up in some band soon but he will have to look out for back-stabbers and avoid them. He looked pleased and already alert. At the FCUK store in Ambiance Mall, Guragon, the hideous choice of the girl there made me tell her that she will end up sewing her own clothes when she is 30 years of age. She went red in the cheeks and I escaped that very second before she could strangle me with a slimy snake-ish yellow-silvery fur top thingy she was recommending for me. Aagrh!
Some random predictions made people happy, like ‘you’ll get a husband like Garfield’ made my roomie Sheetal shout with glee and kiss me, ‘You’ll probably go to the Himalayas with nothing but a huge carton of Wills Milds and will achieve nirvana’ made another colleague of mine feel in terms with a sucking job and laugh after like 14 hours, while some– okay more than half – predictions made people think deeply and left them confused. Example: ‘Schizophrenia is your future. You’ll have 2 split personalities – one of a small senseless girl and another of a spaced out old lady- which will show conflict in all your decisions’, that made the same bitch I mentioned really mad at me. She probably figured out what I was pointing at. Hehe. Serves her good. Silly people. And I am anyway not known for my compassion.
Anyway I had my fun. The sadist pleasure I got is beyond compare. Hehe. Now you also go ahead and observe and offer predictions to people – to everyone you meet. Be funny and be mean, sound convincing and intellectual and have fun and thank me. And I promise y’ all to write about romance in my next post. 🙂