How to: behave like a Celebrity Blogger

This is the first in my new “How to…” series I thought of recently. This series is intended to educate my darling readers on all the “How to..”s in the world. So here we go.

Celebrity Blogger. Ah! Now that’s a touchy subject. The longing…the desire. My creativity is constantly poking me, glaring at me and is about to abandon me for failing it in reaching the “famous blogging celebrity” status. In another life time I guess. Sigh.

But what I can do in this life and help make others life a bit meaningful is share some tips, some amazing tricks to behave, read again – behave – like a celebrity blogger. Afterall, its all in the behavior, someone has said. Yessss, someone really really said that, trust me! Okay…so – Never mind if you are not getting some freaking thousand unique visitors per day, if your fail to collect some 96 comments on each oh-I-wrote-it-just-like-that regular post you of yours, if no one’s blogrolling you, if 5 diggs are all you can manage by blackmailing friends and from your own fake ID’s, if you haven’t even thought about being invited to a radio station like Meow FM104.8 to give some gyan on blogging strategies, if you hate the “site count” widget on site, if you dread loging in to Google Analytics and if you seriously think hard and go mad before you want to write a blog post and if – I hate to say this – if if IF you are not a celebrity blogger (of course you are not, otherwise you would’nt even read my blog, you would’nt even know I exist) – let me help you my friend.

One of the peculiarities of modern life is that we shield ourselves from unpleasantness like the realization of being an unknown blogger. Amazing line that is, thank you. So my extensive research on these celebrities of Web 2.0 world, has put me in a strong position to flaunt my knowledge about their behavior and conduct, you know how effective and sense-full my researches and surveys are – I’m sure you remember the Meaow Survey. *achievement smile* So don’t worry, don’t try too hard at blogging, just follow the golden, ruby and expensive flashy diamond studded rules by cute me.


1. Write anything, research for hours, brood for days on a topic, but when you write give an impression to your reader that you wrote it in the 7 minute loo break or 5 min sutta break you took from your responsibility-loaded job and/or life.

2. Now stop writing stooooopid stuff about your dog, cat, turtle, your day, your blah blah blah. Celebrities don’t do that! Write about serious stuff like book reviews, view on masala movies, the spreading gayism and global warming. Actually, you can copy a few topics from your favorite blogger but you really need to be careful with this one – you should not be blamed for plagiarism. So be smart and copy the mighty. Imitation is flattery except when it is satire. And if it is satire, do it excellently. You’ll cruise.

3. Show your better side to your readers and promote one lowbrow bloggers once a month. Recommend or Suggest or invent a similar word for this cause and generously appreciate this blogger and his style. End it with a sugary statement like“Read his blog. Its great” and mesmerised in your charm, your readers will obediently go click-click on the link. See, its all about ruling your simple-soul-readers. But hang on, remember to keep it short and subtle – just one paragraph. And focus on your good side rather than this bloggers skills. Now you have established yourself as a thoughtful and angel of a blogger. Your readers will love you even more.

Off the record, if any of you is ready to pay me embarrassingly good amount of money or chocolates, I can promote your blog here, regardless of what crap you write. Excuse me, this is a decent enough blog and if anyone else doesn’t click on your link, I’ll do it myself 23 number of times each day. See? Think about it.

4. And don’t you go signing into your account 20 times per hour just to check your comment count. Its so so so low standard, I tell you! Make yourself feel at ease with all this business. Make yourself believe that all this is a fickle worldly pleasure which only lets you down. (ask me!)

5. Another important thing – Don’t go answering every freaking comment that comes on your post. Fight that carnal urge to type similes and lolzz and thankyous in your own comment section. I know darlings, it is tough, but you have to be in control because the great grandfathers of blogging never NEVER neverrrr answer their comments. Yes sweets, it might sound rude and cheeky to lesser mortals like you and me, but its time we stopped being just a human and move towards being a blogger. Yes.

6. Another thing I’ve noticed is the presence of trolls in the comments of all these biggies. What I intelligently derive out of this is you have to have trolls and I-so-f@$king-hate-what-you-write comments in every second post. Attract trolls (I don’t know how!!!), bribe your friends, write nasty things yourself using a fake name or best, go for the “anon” option. It works. And at least you’ll feel good. 🙂

7. Once in a while, remember to talk about imaginary “Blogger Meets” and casually mention a few famous nick names from the famous blogs. For this you’ve got to have an eye for detail.

8. Play around with Photo Shop or some new high-definition technology and design a “Most humorous Blog by da da da” or ” Blogger of the month/day/hour/whatever”, get the HTML code and flaunt it on your blog.

This is it for the start. Follow it and the rest will fall into place. Have no doubts, my friends – trust me, all the writers do this to lift their persona. And there are plenty of lessons to be learned to get into the celebrity mode. Badly done efforts wont gain much credence and will go unnoticed, so let’s all pledge together that come what may, we’ll behave like a daddy blogger, and some day – we’ll walk the red carpet.

(applause) (clappings)

Thank you!

Post Author: Aditi Mathur Kumar

Author. Traveller. Blogger. Talker. Eavesdropper.

40 thoughts on “How to: behave like a Celebrity Blogger

  • Sri Tatsat Mishra

    (August 7, 2007 - 4:59 pm)

    Hail Madaaaaam !! Long live crazy…You and your fundae…lol

  • Crazy Marketer

    (August 8, 2007 - 6:04 am)

    Very matter of the fact and another kick ass blog post from you! You never cease to surprise – mind it I am not biased in anyway when I am writing this!!!

    You and only you can do this! I wish for you to be you for the rest of your life… Cheers to being Adi Crazy!

  • MeMyself_n_I

    (August 8, 2007 - 6:04 am)

    i’m gonna keep those tips in mind. thank you so very much for those ‘pearls of wisdom’.

    (just for the record, no sarcasm intended WHATSOEVER. :-p)

  • StandbyMind

    (August 8, 2007 - 7:50 am)


    ( What choclates u want..cadburry…swiss…vodka choclates???
    tell me tell me…)


  • me...?

    (August 8, 2007 - 7:50 am)

    you gave me an idea for my next blog..
    the antitheory..
    the advantages of a non popular blog..

  • (¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯)

    (August 8, 2007 - 2:00 pm)

    I dont know why it is a big deal for everyone to popularize their blogs. True, that you need some readership in order to keep blogging but Is that the whole point of blogging?

    i think if you write and you speak your mind, you will have readers.

    But nice post 🙂

  • Ps

    (August 9, 2007 - 6:13 am)

    ha ha ha..Even celebrity bloggers are only as good as their previuos posts 🙂
    The way you wrote this made me smile.
    Cheers& blog on .

  • Spectator

    (August 9, 2007 - 9:50 am)

    promote my blog !!!

  • ninad satpute

    (August 9, 2007 - 11:40 am)


  • Longroads

    (August 10, 2007 - 12:46 pm)

    Great writing style Adi. I m ur new fan. But tell me, why do u want to become a celebrity blogger?

  • Rajeev

    (August 11, 2007 - 9:50 am)

    whoa! those are some rules to be a celebrity blogger! 😀
    i guess i dont need them now! 🙂
    thanx for the visit upon my blog. u’ve got a nice blog here! 🙂 will be back to read more

    peace & love

  • Pravin

    (August 13, 2007 - 6:18 am)

    I was totally going to ask you to promote my blog when I read the ‘Off-the-record’ bit. That was plain mean. Why oh why would you part a boi from his chocolates?

  • Supernova

    (August 13, 2007 - 6:18 am)

    i guess i need to keep rule:5 in mind:D
    A-M-A-zing post Adi! U have outdone urself lady.

  • sushant

    (August 13, 2007 - 6:18 am)

    where is the celebrity

  • Adi Crazy

    (August 13, 2007 - 6:57 am)

    Sri Tatsat: Thankyou 😀 So I’ll soon come in your category, what say?

    Me Myself & I: Thanks a lot sweeti. 🙂 You also think it will work? But anyway you dont need the tips, u’r already a celebrity blogger 🙂

    Me : Antitheory. Wow! I’m sure you’ll do justice with the topic and I’ll chk it out for sure. And And And I think I deserve to be a part of the post. *wicked smile*

    Crazy: *blushing* Thanks!!

    StandByMind: wowie!!!! **celebrities read my blog too!** Thank youzzz. 😀

    Raaji: I agree. That’s what I just did, wrote my mind. 🙂

    PS: lolzz…You’re right. Every new post is a new start. :)That makes blogging better. 😛

    Spectator: Chocolates?? 😛
    On other thoughts, I think YOU should promote MY blog. DO it soon. 🙂

    Ninad: Thank a lot! 🙂

    Long Roads: Thankyouzzz! Why I want to be a celebrity blogger? That can be another topic 😛

    Jeevy: Great to see you here. **another of ’em is here!! Yippie!** I think I’m getting famous. 😛

    Sushant: I so much want to say “Yo! Here I am!” but…

    Supernova: Yeah…Rule number 4 is what I need to keep in mind. 🙂 Thank you sweets!

    Pravin: awww..if the boi likes chocolates too…he can atleast share. I know it’s a crime to share chocolates but thr’s a price for stardom 😛

  • Pravin

    (August 13, 2007 - 8:20 am)

    Share. That sounds good. Lets break this chocolate bar into two. Whoops. Here you can have the smaller piece. mwhaa 😀

    And oi, this is where I am.

  • Constantly Crazy

    (August 13, 2007 - 8:43 am)

    Funny to the core. I wish someone of “them” reads this and reacts.
    Great writing style Adi…U rock!

  • sachin

    (August 14, 2007 - 7:21 am)

    in view of point number 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, i decided against writing the anti theory…!

  • Rajeev

    (August 14, 2007 - 7:31 am)

    hey i’ve linked ur blog!
    will be back to read more 🙂

    peace & love

  • Adi Crazy

    (August 14, 2007 - 12:55 pm)

    Pravin: Full bar. No compromise when it’s a chocolate. 🙂

    Constantly Crazy: *wink*

    Jeevy: Thanks! 🙂

    Sachin: awww….did i discourage the idea? 🙁

  • pravin

    (August 15, 2007 - 5:21 pm)

    Er … I think I’m good :-S

  • Gaurav Sharma

    (August 17, 2007 - 6:33 am)

    Now dats another ‘braham astra’ from adi’s side…lolzzz…..reallly liked this post or this ‘How to:’ section…Bravo!!!!
    Im sure soon u not gonna behave linke celebrity blogger..becoz u soon gona be a celebrity blog…if such a good work keeps on cuming frm ur side…newes i liked ur ‘Whaat passwords people have’ sumthing lyk that post…

    Inspired frm ur this personal blog..i started one personal blog of mine too….

    Keep it…Gud Luck…

    Gaufire Inc.

  • Adi Crazy

    (August 17, 2007 - 6:43 am)

    Pravin: Ofcourse you are! That’s why I know I’ll get the full bar 😛 Wicked ppl like, well…, me, dont shre chocolates. Off the records, do you know what my all time fav. quote is?
    “chocolates fix everything!”
    I’m sure atleast you’ll agree. 🙂

    Gaurav: *ahem ahem* Thankyou!! 🙂 And the truth is, I’m dying to behave like that! lolzzz
    Your blogs are really good…so I’m looking forward to the personal one. Blog on! 🙂

    OMG! I really really really can’t be a celebrity in a zillion life times. See, I’ve replied to all the comments! uff!


  • Gaurav Sharma

    (August 18, 2007 - 2:17 pm)

    FAk LOrd!!! thankxx for ur this post..i added that Web2Rank widget on ma blog n came to know dat[to a gr8 surprise] that ma blog ranks 8th [no question a bigtym arbit rank] but still i like it….Hmmm….
    Newes to have a goodwill n continuous fan following…. celebrity should have to reply all dcomments..cant help it…..hmmm…isnt it???[;)] hehehe

  • Rahul

    (August 20, 2007 - 6:01 am)

    Et tu? This post is a chronicle of my OCD-driven interactions with my blog! Now I know why *magic* as an art still retains its mystery, coz there aren’t too many Omerta-breakers like you :-p

  • pEgAsus

    (August 23, 2007 - 7:09 am)

    LOL! that is sooo true! 😀

  • Pravin

    (August 24, 2007 - 6:03 am)

    How about adopting a new manta? – “Duct tape fixes everything”. Besides, chocolate isn’t good for you. It messes up your diet.

  • imperfect

    (September 11, 2007 - 10:27 am)

    hehe.. this one was nice!

  • Kalyan

    (September 14, 2007 - 11:38 am)

    thats really some nice one’s…enjoyed it!

  • durjoy datta

    (September 25, 2007 - 5:13 pm)


    3- mmmmm not sure
    5-naah!!!!celebrity bloggers do reply to every comment……..!!!!!!!

    nice post!!!

  • thinker-girl

    (October 6, 2007 - 6:38 pm)

    bloody brill!
    where DID you get your humour from?!

  • Chief Brutus!

    (October 16, 2007 - 2:45 pm)

    this is nice.. some day I will be featured here too… adicrazy.. u really hav a huge fan following.

    Chief Brutus!

  • rads

    (October 17, 2007 - 8:12 pm)

    That was soo funny! esp when I could relate it to this one particular blogger 😉

  • Bit Hawk

    (October 18, 2007 - 4:33 am)

    Listing down all the things we do and posting it as a “What celebrity bloggers do” – is this yet another trick of celebrity bloggers? 😉

  • s4n705h

    (October 18, 2007 - 5:32 am)

    That was a Kick Ass post. Came here from Jammy Blog. after he wrote about Difficulties of being a celebrity. 🙂

    Tell you both the post are contrasting in nature and both of you wrote a kick ass post..


  • reckless_soul

    (October 18, 2007 - 6:43 am)

    KICK ASS!!!

    You got to be kidding me if you say you don’t write professionally, lady!!

  • Pallavi

    (October 18, 2007 - 7:08 am)

    Amazing work. Better than any celebrity blogger around honey. A very interesting blog. Keep writing.
    All the best!

  • myflipflops

    (October 18, 2007 - 7:19 am)

    Dont know how to react to this post. I am aching with laughter, my eyes teary…but then again…afetr reading Jammy’s post….I wonder – Do you really want to be a “celebrity” blogger?
    I mean you are actually one…see your comment count and your readers love you. But now Jammy’s post gives a slightly wrong impression…if you know what I mean. I am your greatest fan girl, and this is one of your best post. But THAT should have been IT.

  • Longroads

    (October 18, 2007 - 8:05 am)

    After reading Jammy’s post…I think you should not have told him!! I dont believe this post was for him….

  • Sameera

    (November 2, 2007 - 5:34 am)

    Ha ha!You really have a great sense of humor.Waiting for the next in the “How To” series…Btw,is the series by any chance inspired by the movie How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days? 🙂

    p.s.”Love”ly message there for your Anon 😉

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