I am in a perfectly wrong mood, ironically left out and I am feeling funny. Wow! (genuine smile)And to add to the effect, I want to write something NOW. Not that i’ll throw up and stain the web page with whatever is irking me…Huh! Who cares.
Umm..I’d have talked about my state of mind, but it is a perfect blank too, so no luck.
I think I need a new dress, it might cheer me up! 🙂
Or a MP4?
Music cures anything, I’ve heard – and music with video will be a nice. It will really need some time and patience – going to a shop, selecting, bargaining…uff, even the idea is tiring. Or …on a second thought, I guess reading will be good. Just finished “The Namesake”(I had a chance to lay hands on the novel really late. Indian literature is really taking all the limelight these days!) and decided I’ll take the activity of naming my children really SERIOUSLY. (wise.good.) Also read “Angels & Demons”(late again!). Wonder if I should visit a church and look for ‘hidden’ signs. (Wierd?I know)
How about changing the interiors of the house, sorry flat? (Dad never likes it when the word ‘house’ is used for the flat that I occupy in Delhi. House is in Rajasthan. Yes.)
Seems like I am home sick…uhu…not good. The month is officially packed. Oh I hate office! I hope my prince charming appears and slips a ring in my finger and takes me home…I am getting tired now. Or impatient. Maybe old. Whatever.
Hell! I am trying to take my mind off it and everything seems to be related to …
Stop Stop Stop.
Relax. Calm down.
Remember last night when eyes hurt, swelled and useless tears pricked, making it difficult to see the narrow pavement of the lawn, while walking back to the flat from office? There could be snakes in there. I sure dont want an encounter.

All this is funny. (giggling)

I have been unusually quiet today. Even the people at work noticed (They Noticed?good sign.) Maybe I should have dressed up nicely; not that it matters- but since I’m drawing attention today, a nice attaire would not have harmed(Crazy. Yes) lol
And know what? I am liking it. 🙂 With the newly acquired silence, I’ve discovered quiet a few things today. Ah…I like the sound of silence (wow, what a catchy phrase! I’m getting better). I realized that the office sounds confused. (was it always like this?). I realized that the heavy voice of one of the coworkers irates me for no reason. Strange. I realized that I STILL dont recognize the voice of one of my team member. Yes that’s funny because I have talked endlessly to this person all the damn time. Also, I realized that the colour sense of a few people is pathetic. For hell’s sake, red does’nt go with a stark pink!! uff…
Looks like my silence has given me the enlightenment. 🙂
Guess I should have taken part in the Fun Saturdays here at the workplace. Might have given me something else to think about. Hang on, how on earth would THAT silly activity give me something to think about?? I sound like I am on drugs. Thinking. Was I medicated for something? few days back…? Maybe a nasty cold…or a back ache? cant remember. Cant let it go either. Hell! What am I supposed to do?
Ah, nice question. 🙂
What am I supposed to do?
hmm…I think I’d like an answer to that one.
But again, who has the answers?
Who is supposed to decide, or even KNOW about what is one (me here) supposed to do?
Deep deep deep question.
Stupid can also be the word.
I like ‘stupid‘.
Alright, I am feeling lonely too, I admit…But i kind of like it…I prefer it to disappointment. And to hurts. Also to feeling funny.
It feels comforting this one time. Yes, I am liking the loneliness. Cool! I only wish ….
Here I go again.
No No No.
I dont want to think about it!
There are more things to think about, like….



Well…i’ll certainly think of something worth. Something good. Something nice. Something ELSE. Or maybe I’ll carry the uneasiness around till it breaks me down every time.

Or maybe I’ll grow up…and help myself. Whatever!

Adi Crazy

Post Author: Aditi Mathur Kumar

Author. Traveller. Blogger. Talker. Eavesdropper.

3 thoughts on “Monologue

  • Mili

    (February 7, 2007 - 1:02 pm)

    Depressing. A monologue really, but explains aptly the state of a toubled mind. Nice one.

  • Anonymous

    (February 9, 2007 - 7:55 pm)

    This girl is going nuts (or I should say she is gone :P). This is very depressing but at the same time very well written. Lady you should seek your career as a professional writer. (This is something you can think about right ?)

  • Aditi Mathur

    (March 1, 2007 - 2:01 pm)

    Mili: Depressing..? Yup! (smile)
    Who knows better than you!!

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